Stars

Here I am again staring at the vastness of the stars above my head, something I’ve done over and over again since I was a child. I would sit out on our back patio, listening to the crickets chirp, and the breeze rustle through our old willow tree. No one cared to ask where I was. Out in the country the street light didn’t call me in, common sense did. If I chose to walk outside in the dark of night, nobody stopped me. I was free to think dream, and act. Under the stars on our old picnic table I found myself piecing together my first creative words, a poem- or maybe a song. I don’t remember what, only how I felt in that moment under the sky.

Now I’m older and although I no longer live at that house on Baxter road, I still find myself outside looking above. Here I can breathe, think, and grow, appreciating the universe above and how small it makes me feel. A vast sea of emptiness and beauty that makes me wonder the purpose of it all. And I’m addicted to the feeling. I’m addicted to the lust I feel for stars and the high I feel at night. Alone with my thoughts my soul can relax as the stress of my life melts away. I wonder where I’ll be in 30 more years when I’m looking up at these same old stars.

COVID-19 Fears and Restlessness

I lie awake in bed unable to fall asleep. Tossing and turning, my eyes sealed shut, but my brain is live wired. I find myself running the current state of life through my head. This is what I will live through. This will be an event my grand children will learn about in school. COVID-19 is unique. It is not a war between two countries, it’s not an economic collapse in my own home, it’s not even a disease that’s isolated to one place. This virus, this monster, has taken on the entire planet. United we fight a faceless enemy, as we ourselves become faceless. Hiding behind our doors, our masks, our phones. We become hermits out of necessity and safety. Trading family and society for home and restlessness. All for the greater good. “Flatten the curve” they say.

I’m all for it. I’ll do my part, especially as a member of society who’s job revolves around the elderly. Still though, I miss faces. I miss hugs. I miss dinners with family. I miss going to the store and not being worried about safe distances and hand sanitizer. I was care free. Now I’m scared. Scared of infection, scared of carrying, scared of killing someone else. Yet there are still those who aren’t afraid.

Worse off than myself and my overactive brain are those who do not care. Those who continue to place others at risk. People with no thought other than the moment and selfishness…or perhaps a conspirators mind. I worry about the others who have crossed their path. I worry about their grandparents and immune compromised loved ones. I worry about my own loved ones who have surely been to the same stores. I fear a loved one dying alone, without goodbyes. I’m scared that I won’t be able to hold their hand.

One day this monster will leave us. One day I’ll sleep again. That is the hope and what I tell myself. Still though, it’s not quite enough to help me sleep…

Poisoned by a virus

Poisoned is the meadow;

the tulips waste away.

Dandelions wither

and bees begin to pray.

The sky begins to weep.

Thunder shakes the sky.

Lightening hits the grass;

animals run to hide.

The water quickly deepens,

flooding towards the clouds.

Flower petals floating

and hope does not resound.

But stop and you will see it,

peaking from above.

Showing only slightly,

the hope returns in sun

And the water slowly drains.

The flowers start to grow.

Bees return to pollinate,

life survives this crucible.